Now, in this most trying of times, a time of hardship that surely no one who counts has ever experienced the likes of, what’s really important is that you get out your tiny novelty constitutions, whip out your hog, and edge. Edge to the idea of George Washington. Edge to the idea of Manifest Destiny. Edge to our most exceptional civic cult. Edge like your life depends on it. So that when the permitted special political spectacle ritual day comes you too can come and tribute all over that laminated novelty constitution with all your heart that you may reinvigorate our holy civic cult with your vital essences and refresh the republic!

I mean what else is there to do but think happy thoughts and crank one out to the image of Columbia?