I have a pan friend who is the only trans ally I know irl. Few months ago I decided to come out to her. However, I don’t know where to start.

I was alone with her several times recently, but I just fail to start a conversation every time.

She doesn’t seem to have any problem with being out to everyone, so it’s harder to have a serious conversation about my struggles. What should I do?

  • lazyneet@programming.devEnglish
    22·
    3 days ago

    Just tell her you’re transitioning. She’s queer, she’ll get it. I told all my queer friends as soon as I started hormones and I’ll give all the gory details of my gender and sexuality to any adult who’s curious. You got this.

  • Hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    16·
    3 days ago

    Just tell her. Don’t overthink it. You don’t need to weave it gracefully into conversation. You don’t need to find the right moment. Since she’s out now, there was a point when she wasn’t. She’ll understand. You got this girl!

  • recentSlinky@lemmy.caEnglish
    15·
    3 days ago

    One way for me to get the push for this, is to tell them beforehand that i have something personal about myself I’d like to share with them as a close friend.

    For example, i wanted to share something personal with a friend once, and i knew he’d take it very well and be supportive, but i was still super nervous to bring it up. So i texted him few days before i knew I’d see him saying something like “hey, when we meetup, I’d like to talk to you about something personal about me. It’s not bad, but it’s a face to face conversation, and it’s something I’d like to share with you :)”.

    This way, i had no choice but to tell him when we met. In fact, he brought it up to me instead, making it so much easier to just “do it” like the others commented.

  • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    17·
    3 days ago

    When I really struggled to come out to people, sometimes I would try a method like writing a little note on a piece of paper and slipping it to them. I found that easier than initiating the conversation by speaking.

    My advice is to just not think about it - don’t anticipate, don’t fret, don’t think - just do it.

  • cyngi@midwest.socialEnglish
    11·
    3 days ago

    Just be cause she doesn’t seem to have a problem being out to everyone doesn’t mean she doesn’t or didn’t. It is important to keep in mind there could have been struggles you are completely unaware of. And, if perhaps there were not, that only means that your situation is slightly different. Coming out like this is your choice, but pre-framing an interaction can help a final push for you to reveal what is hard. This kind of strategy has at least helped me make a hard admission in the past.

    What I mean is to try to schedule a ‘conversation.’ Let her know that it is a serious subject matter, but be sure to clarify it is not a negative subject. It is something you want to discuss, and you would appreciate her time and attention.