Have enough decency to accept someone ghosting you means they don’t want to interact with you anymore and that they do not own you an explanation as to why. You’re not that special.

You get it.

I always feel like the anti-ghosting people just… have no active social lives. Therefore they can’t comprehend with dealing with weirdos who require you to ghost/ignore them because they simple do not understand social cues and/or can’t accept direct rejection. They always argue from social ideals where everyone is perfect and wonderful and there are no bad actors or ill-intentioned folks out there.

I notice people with active social lives don’t really see anything wrong with ghosting… because it’s just part of life and when you have an active social life strangers come and go into your life all the time and you don’t think much about it. Especially as you get older and you don’t dwell on peer acceptance as much as you do in your teens and 20s.

And it’s always been part of life. You ignore people you don’t like. You respond and engage people you like. But for some reason people can’t simple get it through their heads… if the person liked them they would not be ghosting them. Ghosting isn’t the issue… it’s their self-esteem being offended that they tolerate.

because it made them feel feelings.

same reason anyone has any parasocial relationship. apparently people watch people stream or influence and develop feelings for them.

i don’t personally expereince any of this so it bafflest he crap otu of me… but apparently that makes me mentally ill in the current technology economy where it’s considered ‘normal’ to gift people 100/1000s of dollars to listen to them whine online.

at least with Nintendo I am playing for a console and a game to play. not for the experiencing of living viscerally though somebody else.

me good. you different! you bad!

you be like me, you good! me tell you how! otherwise you stupid/bad and me hate!

ghosting is a lot better than having someone show up at your door pounding on it at 11pm screaming how you can’t break up with them.

happened to me more than once, so I ghost now. It’s safer and less dramatic for everyone involved. nobody i ever ghosted has harassed, threatened, or assaulted me. women I’ve respectfully broke up with have a tendancy to do one or more of those things. hell I’ve had situations where she was breaking up with me… and got violent because I wasn’t upset enough for her and that upset her… how dare I take her dumping me well!

and as a man, woman on man violence/harassment has zero social consequence. if anything if i called the cops because a woman was stalking/assaulting me, I’d get arrested.

hurting someone else’s feelings is a lot better than someone threatening violence at me for breaking up with them.

it’s being offended for the sake of being offended.

i notice the people who complain about ghosting in online dating apps… almost always do it to me.

we had ‘ghosting’ in the 90s and 2000s too. we just didn’t use that term for it. you’d go out with someone and they’d ignore your calls or avoid you in school. the message was clear.

it’s usually just one or two people you offended who feel compelled to harass you based on that offense.

i’ve already had a couple of lemmy stalkers.

because we all got banned from reddit for having controversial political views.

i remember reddit being full of techie libertarian bros in the 2000s. it non-authoritarian but it was pretty conservative socially. tons of fragile masculinity brogrammer types who had really warped views on women and ‘the government’.

it started diversifying rapidly in the early 2010s.

:þ

the issue with becoming more knowledgable about the world is you feel less special.

and people are desperate to feel special. our entire consumer economy is built around exploiting folks insecurities and convincing them that their purchases make them better than other people.

before chat gpt we called that using google.

whether you got it from chagpt or saw it on a site that gpt got it from… you still had to read it or watch a video of it.

the individual matters more than the education. i know several st johns graduates whose personality is yes-men. i have a liberal arts education from an ivy and 95% of my peers at uni thought it was stupid and just wanted job skills. they didn’t give a fuck about learning or education, they just went there so they could get a job at goldman or similar and get rich or because their parents told them had to. they thought i was mentally ill for valuing liberal arts and focusing on education rather than getting a big fat paycheck after graduating.

a Socratic education only works if you already inclined towards skeptical inquiry. you can’t educate people into skepticism, it’s really an emotional disposition. normal people do not want to think anyone than they want to run marathons. only a small percentage of people are inclined to such activities.

i taught philosophy for 3 years, about 500 students. maybe a dozen of them actually learned anything… the other 490 were just there for a requirement/grade/elective and did absolutely did not give a fuck other than thinking quoting Plato make them sound smart and win arguments, or help them further entrench themselves in their delusional conspiracy mindset. had about 50% of my students actively argued for exploiting slaves for business profits, because all that mattered was their own wealth.

for every liberal atheist skeptic linux genius here on lemmy, there about a 100+ people who believe the opposite out there in the real world.

And I totally disagree with that narrative.

Because in my experience I listened, but then was guilty of the crime of pre-rape. And then i stopped listening to feminists. Being male and doing anything male-coded was a crime to them. Popular feminism decided men were evil. Full stop.

then 10 years later… many of those very same feminists are now preaching 1950s subordination to their husband and God and many are of them anti-trans advocates. Every feminist I went to grad school with became everything she claimed to hate in her 20s. And icing on the cake, they would inherent tons of money from their parents and start lecturing others to grow up and work hard like they did…

wtf is ‘real’ feminist theory, btw? feminist theory has 100s of flavors.

FWIW my entire life i’ve known people who do this shit IRL. My college campus was rife with people like this.

My daily life is also regularly full of people like this.

yep.

i will write out three paragraphs… get multiple replies about like three words I said that are taken totally out of context.

i’d say trolls/bots… but i know way too many people IRL who do the very same thing. they are just stupid assholes looking to cause drama to puff up themselves as ‘outing’ everyone as evil/bad because they are ‘warriors’ for justice. their entire existing is all about inflating their own ego and being willfully ignorant and their primary hobby in life is being ‘offended’ by anything/everything.

what i can’t get is why people like being around people like this… but they do for some reason.

Same with going off the headlines. I am well aware that we lose 90%+ of communication over text, but damn, some of these fucking people. You have to learn to couch your comment in such a way that even obvious sarcasm and the like is obvious.

ever IRL hobby/group i ever did went from a cool chill group to being full of rabid assholes once it got ‘popular’. as in… people heard it was ‘cool’ and wanted to join because they want to be ‘cool’. as soon as people are doing something for status/image and not because they actually enjoy/love it… that’s when the toxicity starts. because the cool people are the insecure shallow types who need to crap on anyone who is ‘uncool’.

status chasing is the root of a lot of it, imo.

yeah i’ve noticed this. the people who harass me go to my comment history, start downvoting everything i say or replying to old comments and/or reporting them… just like people do on reddit.

one disagreement on one comment or issue becomes a personal vendetta

that kind of craziness never happened to me on reddit until the past few years. mostly in my local subreddit where insane people who report and harass you for something supporting or disagreeing with mayors policies.

over the weekend i had some guy scream in my face what homo i was for wearing suede boots. apparently suede makes you gay, i had no clue. such a helpful thing to be informed of.

I have been threatened and harassed in person multiple times the past few years. but left and right wingers. by trans and anti-trans folks, etc. i’ve had people shove and try to physically start fight with me while i was waiting for a takeout order or coffee.

angry people just want to beat up any one that is in front of them. and they will see what they want to see. the angry left assumes i’m a meathead trump supporter, the angry right assumes i’m a soyboy homo.

yeah, metaphorically punching them in the face.

people like this tend to only respond well visceral reality right in front of their faces. just think of how addicts have to ‘bottom’ before they seek recovery… it’s basically the same issue. they have to visible see the horrible negative consequences of what they are doing to themselves. you can’t ‘win’ these people over by appealing to them… shock therapy is really the only think.

and a lot of them will tell you how they were ‘shocked’ at some point into their lives out of their previous beliefs.