charly4994 [she/her, comrade/them]

  • 5 Posts
  • 31 Comments
Joined 6 years ago
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Cake day: July 29th, 2020

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  • Got hit with a full cognito hazard while at work today. One of the patients had fox news on and I just happened to be in the room while they were talking about the supreme court case regarding bans on trans people in sports.

    Transphobia

    They refused to ever use the word transgender, just ‘biological men’ every time. Usually I don’t have to hear anything from these ghouls while at work because most of my regulars like watching game shows or shit like Matlock. Just kinda shitty being stressed out having to float and learn an entire new floor and then just hear this absolute dogshit at the same time.










  • I went back and forth for a while in my 20s trying to find someone and feeling this crushing loneliness and despair that I’d never find a partner and then I just stopped caring. The first few dates I got were terrible.

    First one we talked for hours in a dunkin’ donuts and I think neither of us could figure out how to end the conversation so we kinda ended up arguing about politics. I burned the shit out of my tongue on the tea. Neither of us reached out after that.

    Another we met and had lunch, ended up walking up and down the street window shopping and chatting, didn’t feel like a terrible experience at the time but with hindsight it was a rather awkward mess and I just wasn’t good at picking up on her subtleties.

    Another one was just us chatting online for a while, she was living across the country from me and I just didn’t pick up on flirting at all so I just kinda kept talking about nerd shit and it worked for a while until my suspicions got the better of me and I just ghosted her after thinking it was a romance scam because why else would someone talk to me and keep sending unsolicited risque photos.

    Last one was the one that made me give up, we started chatting, had a few common interests. We had talked about what flavor of leftism we subscribed to, I said I was ML while she said she was into market socialism. We hopped into a voice call with one another to play Stellaris multiplayer a few days later, got to like 50 years in, I snaked my borders out and destroyed the infinity machine and that upset her, 10 minutes later she just quit out of nowhere, ghosted me, and then randomly every 6 months would come back and insult me the most unrelated shit imaginable until I finally just blocked her.

    I’m happy to be alone. I’ve found enjoyment in pursuing who I am and I don’t feel like I need someone else to validate that any more. Doesn’t help that every time I’ve tried to test the waters it’s so abysmally awful to even try that I have no incentive to try any more.




  • I’d sorta agree on the literal wording of “…other people might not be mentally developed enough to make that decision until age 19 or 20.” I was chatting with people in their 30s-50s when I was 16-18. I was lying about my age to them all, but when I did hit 18 and I met up with someone (and got over the crisis of identity and and cracking the egg) I came to the conclusion a few years later that I really wasn’t ready to make that decision. I don’t regret it at this point since experimenting ended up being a net positive for me in the end, I might have reached it in a bit less of a chaotic manner since things were already moving towards the egg cracking anyway.









  • I never truly appreciated how close I got to killing my self horribly as a dumbass middle school kid. I saw so much media on people stealing drugs from the bathroom that I wanted to try it. We only really had Tylenol Extra Strength, and other simple OTC meds. Not deterred, I went and downed probably 8-10 of the 500mg pills and stopped because I couldn’t swallow any more. Got super tired and fell asleep on the couch for a few hours. Can’t imagine if I had something like this that also had alcohol in it that I wouldn’t have tried to chug it instead. Kids are dumb and they’ll do shit nobody expects and tell nobody about it for fear of consequence.