Jul (they/she)

Depth loss is generally permanent, though width loss is not. You a should ask a gyno or your surgeon about it, but generally I’d say don’t push it too hard to try to regain depth, it may just cause more damage and pain. But definitely don’t stop.

You’ll regret it later if you lose all of your depth and need surgery to restore it which can be expensive, hard to find without long wait lists, and may even be illegal soon.

You can try dilators that aren’t as wide to reduce pain and give up some of the width for now. It will be painful and take time and patience to regain, but if you think it’s going to help you actually do it, that might be an option. Losing depth is a big issue, though. Try not to let it go if you can help it.

I know depression can make it difficult. Try to reward yourself for doing it. Get some ice cream or your favorite desert for afterwards or something like that. I don’t have sex with people with penises usually, but I plan to keep my depth as long as humanly possible just to feel healthy and feel more like a woman. Try thinking of it not in terms of what people want to use of you. It’s your body. It’s part of you. It’s not just a fancy fleshlight. 🫂

Yeah that’s the issue…too many for anyone to ever want to read and my inability to pick just one as they’re all “top-tier” thanks to the AuDHD combo. 🤣

It’s just ironic that the meme is using a question that someone like me can’t answer in meme form in a forum for someone like me, so great job to the OP there. Reminds me of the horrible looking socks that the horrible Autism Speaks org sells with thick seams not only in the toes, but down the side (which I’ve never seen before), despite one of the stereotypical major things that Autistic people can’t stand is bad socks. Just so ironic as hell that I dont know if they are making a point with them or more likely just dont understand Autism at all since they’re just around for the money and making parents feel better about being bad parents rather than helping Autistic people. <\rant>

Welcome to the club. I knew mine was curly since even short it’s always been that way. But I need a ton of products to keep it under control, especially in humid conditions. Hair oils and a very wide toothed comb. Maybe something with some hold if it’s windy ate what I use for the everyday. Also a good conditioner for curly hair and don’t use it sparingly.

SheaMoisture is a good relatively affordable brand for curls. Their deep moisture conditioner works well and the scent isn’t overwhelming or overly artificial like many hair products. Their curl smoothie works for the flyaways but is a stronger scent, but you use it sparingly. And it’s mostly coconut scent. It isn’t strong hold like hairspray so looks natural.

For oils, I prefer a plain as possible argan oil without added scents, but most contain a lot of silicones which can be less effective. Last longer, and look less oily, but also leave residue and don’t moisturize. They’re more for immediate effect than natural, treatment. Bonus if they have biotin, keratin or other treatments to keep the hair strong and not as frizz-prone.

But yeah, curly hair takes a lot more effort than straight.

As a witch, we don’t curse trees, that corporate polluters you’re thinking of. Witches love nature. 😁

Too hard to choose the first one. These memes need to have a single option for an individual not hundreds. 🙃

Because the random alterations create variations that allow survival of the species, not the individual, in changing conditions. For an example of what happens without that, just look at bananas. Without any evolution through DNA alteration during procreation, a single disease van wipe them out across the globe. Happened once and the current strain is being wiped out by disease, though more slowly due to human intervention, as we speak.

With Monty Python’s Flying Circus theme playing 🤣

It’s nice to have a GUI for those things sometimes rather than a command line for everything. If you’re doing things right, your daily login shouldn’t have access to modify system settings or read sensitive logs. But troubleshooting requires that often and ls, vim, cat, tail, etc., can become cumbersome compared to a GUI file manager and proper GUI text editor like Kate or Gedit.

Fascism requires enemies and you have to pick small groups of people to declare as enemies or you’ll end up with too many people fighting back. We trans people are just the latest.

Problem is that the scope of transgendered people is much larger than most people realize due to us having to hide for most of history. There’s a reason that estimates a few decades ago were under a hundredth of a percent, current estimates are around 1%, and if you look just at gen Z who mostly are adults and teens now (not “children who dont know any better”) with much better education and ability to be “out” in their age group communities it’s closer to 5%. If gen Z is 5%, then so is every other generation, even if they don’t know it or don’t feel safe admitting it. Which doesn’t matter as they will be more likely to strongly support their peers. 5% is a large part of the population to turn against.

So as the policies start to affect adults like me struggling to get care because health plans not under the jurisdiction of state insurance commissioners even in progressive states (basically all “employer-funded plans” which most employers now use) and corporate inclusion policies have decided to comply in advance to cut trans care and inclusive policies not just for children/teens, but for everyone, as they know that’s next, we’re ending up with finding care not just taking a few years of waiting lists, but nearly a decade, or being just impossible to get unless you are very wealthy and can afford to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash. I’m still using my old name at work because I’m not safe to change it in my mid-level position. And we actually still have an LGBTQ+ ERG unlike most very large companies. But it only takes one prejudiced person up high to get you blackballed and they’re all feeling empowered right now.

deleted by creator

That future might not be far off considering what Trump did today. Balance of power is seriously about to shift.

I’d say change that to treatment rather than cure.

And add the fact that it’s nearly impossible to get regularly due to what is now obviously intentional shortages and the strict controls combined with PBMs restricting the ability to shop around for places with it in stock. So you can’t set up a regular reminder to take it or even actually take it regularly even with a reminder.

Yeah the switchy operas are the best, if rare. I fortunately have recently had bottom surgery, so yeah, I’m glad I don’t need to deal with that anymore. Still recovering so not entirely sure how things are going to go, there. But I also have a lot of trauma, from the typical what it took to get hard and people not understanding it wasn’t directly tied to interest in sex, as well as some things testosterone and male gender role expectations caused me to do (not sure some if it wasn’t actually rape, but just not classified as rape in our culture), as well as some things bad dommes did to me (almost feeling like revenge for being essentially raped their whole lives, but not called rape). I’m hoping this change will allow me to start over in addition to helping with disphoria as well as allowing me access to some femmes who don’t like penises at all for sex and leading to more of that operatic sex that I feel is at least slightly more common when no penises are involved even if I was already at that point in how I had orgasms, but many people were unwilling to treat me that way just because of that hunk of flesh. Lol

It’s not that a friendship is a separate thing, though. And many of my flings or shorter term romantic relationships end up in platonic-only relationships. But it’s the developing of those platonic connections during the other relationships that ends up being valuable later. Something as simple as having a good conversation as you cuddle in the aftermath can trigger a bond.

And topping is definitely a burden in some senses as it requires you to act first, but I usually see it more as pleasing the other person rather than taking pleasure from the other person. Equally, bottoming requires giving over control, but should include more than just receiving the actions of the top. There needs to be some amount of comfort in communicating while in the act so you both are getting your needs met. The bottom is responsible for creating that comfort and opening the communication by responding honestly to the acts of the top. And the top then adapting what they take.

My point being, as a switch myself, I rarely find good tops or bottoms, but with the right person it is actually a dynamic role. I find the best sex is with other switches where we take turns. Of course this requires a more “feminine” type of sex that estrogen made more easy for me to get into where sex is an opera, not a single scene. That’s where building the platonic connections can help a lot. It takes time to write not just an opera, but a good opera.

And yeah I agree. I have a therapist who is also non-binary and neurodivergent like me, and that helps a ton. I never got anything out of therapy until I understood these things existed in me and sought out treatment by those who understand it at least in part. These traits require much different kinds of therapy, IMHO.

And as for what types of men, I’d say, those who are good at communication of their needs as well as listening to mine. Or at least the lack of open communication about emotions and needs is the most common reason I don’t date cis-men.

Yeah, I’m aggressively non-hierarchical in my relationships. I feel like hierarchy breeds resentment, so I don’t have relationships beyond acquaintanceships with people in hierarchical relationships, so anchors don’t generally work well in that. Not that it’s not possible in some senses, but it’s unlikely to manifest in a healthy way IMHO.

Makes it really difficult to find others who have similar views. Plus being AuDHD creates issues with my socializing style.

But it results in more emotionally driven support when you don’t have to prioritize one person when another is in desperate need of something I could otherwise easily offer if I hadn’t spent all of my spoons on an explicit primary or anchor partner. But that’s just what works best for me.

It’s rough when you’re in a needy phase. It may be worth reducing the number of partners so you have some energy to create a real partnership which requires more effort. I like to break relationships into components. Usually acquaintance/platonic, romantic, and sexual. Each relationship can be any combination. Acquaintanceship is just general hanging out without really caring deeply about the other person. The platonic/friendship part replaces that and tends to be the hardest because it’s more about solid connection, really caring what happens to the other person, supporting them and being supported by them when things get difficult as well as enjoying the connection when things are good. This is something I’ve noticed most cis-men don’t have with each other due to societal toxic masculinity.

Romantic is then more about individual acts of romance, planning romantic dates, making out for long periods, that kind of thing. And it requires some level of physical and/or emotional attraction usually and is about fulfilling those kinds of needs over a medium term. It is best when the types of needs of both parties align, so you’re fulfilling theirs at the same time they’re fulfilling yours.

And sexual is obviously more fleeting and is better with physical attraction and matching needs, but mostly is just about fulfilling very immediate needs.

Each relationship has some combination of those things. But I find that I need at least one with strong platonic connection or I get lonely. That requires energy in both directions over the longterm to work, so it’s the most rare. These you really need to nurture as they are the most valuable IMHO, and easiest to lose if you take more than give. Sexual you can find easily in clubs or whatever and can be fleeting, and romantic takes a lot more to find, but tends to be easy and shorter lasting without the platonic.

So dating cis-men tends to lack the platonic part in my experience due to toxic societal norms. So although I’m pan, I also tend not to date cis-men.

Didn’t see mention of it for sure but are you neurodivergent? Seems typical of big city friend making issues for neurodivergent people. I’m AuDHD with very good masking skills, even from myself for most of my life. Getting treatment for the ADHD has helped a lot vs just treatment for generalized anxiety which was just a symptom. But that’s a bigger conversation.

Overall, the best thing for me was finding an extrovert who created groups and latching onto them making sure to put a lot of effort into showing up for their events so I would get invited regularly and eventually become an essential member of the group. I had 3 of them going for a while. I stuck with the group that had been around for a long time and they mostly survived COVID. The other groups, one is coming back, sort of, but timing has been difficult with all that’s going on with my transition.

The one that survived happens to be a Wiccan group. Most are atheists, actually, and so the ceremony is more just a way to bring people together and connect with nature a little rather than the supernatural stuff and is always optional with this group. But Wicca is also very feminist compared to all of the major religions, which is a positive. And this group in particular doesn’t enforce gender roles. They don’t care if a man or woman or enby becomes the ceremonial May Queen or King for example. I’m agender even though I’m transitioning to feminine physical parts due to physical dysphoria issues. So not having strict gender categories helps me a lot.

Anyway, my point is, find a group with a strong extrovert at the center that has regular meetups whether that’s Wiccan sabat holidays or monthly meetings, or whatever, try to find one that is already meeting regularly. It might be harder to make your way into an established group, but it’s more likely to stick around longer term which is more important. Then be very careful to show up for events early on. Plan things so you’re sure to have enough energy for mingling. And most important, make sure you show up if you RSVP. Bring reliable will make you an essential member of the group over time.

As for the group itself, it may take attending several to find one that is accepting of you, but keep trying and don’t get discouraged by the first time. It takes showing up a few times and building familiarity for it to feel more comfortable.

Yep, I didn’t realize I was AuDHD but my friends had assumed I knew. Most of them are some form of neurodivergent.

It was promising for a while, better quality streams, better payments to artists, etc. But they never ended up implementing stuff they promised like better integration with devices or improving their catalog.

It would reduce their short term revenue, but would improve their long-term revenue. Netflix used to have a great product, but they fiddled with it to make people watch only certain content that brings them more revenue. Same with Spotify. This then reduces the number of people willing to pay for the service and since there are few competitors that are better and/or have as much content they “piracy” is the only way to get the content you want for a reasonable price, with a good user experience.

So short term these things improve revenue, but not as much as the revenue lost in the long term as people start to dislike the the poor experience or are unable to afford the higher prices. And people don’t want multiple services to have to check for new content all the time all with different poor Ux.