Didn’t have a chance to write up a detailed post, either on a fruit or the topic I was originally thinking about. I think they’re neat and they taste good.

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  • 🎀 Seryph (She/Her)@lemmygrad.ml
    1·
    8 months ago

    Okay idk why but something clicked in my brain and now all the essays I’ve been writing are gender and identity stuff. I’ve written so many in the past month after not writing any in my entire time at uni so far. Not complaining since they’re fun and easy to write, it’s just weird that it’s happened suddenly.

  • PeeNutButtHer [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    0·
    7 months ago
    nsfw genital dysphoria

    god I fucking hate having a dick. I naturally have a pretty darn high sex drive but every time getting off just feels so unsatisfying and disappointing cause I hate what I have, no matter what I do. I can’t wait for SRS, but that’s years away at the minimum and maybe never if worse case scenario. the wave of dysphoria and disgust is really getting to me, I know I’m not just going to stop masturbating for the next several years or anything like that so I’ve got to deal with the discomfort and dysphoria and never actually being satisfied. Shit suuuuuuuuuuckkkkkks

    • BountifulEggnog [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      0·
      7 months ago
      spoiler

      Yea pretty much, basically always on the edge of tears with it. Hoping I’ll be lucky and E will kill my drive completely because fuck this. Always dysphoric as shit and makes it so fucking difficult.

      Also idek if I want a vagina, I can’t imagine it, but I definitely do not feel comfortable as is.

  • Boynomoder [she/her, pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
    0·
    7 months ago
    dysphoria raving, doomer shit

    Did I permanently fuck my brain by deciding not to look at myself for years?
    So many girlies make posts like “X months on estrogen and I can finally see(or start to see) a girl in the mirror.” Or “I can actually stand to look at myself because I can see the changes that are happening.”

    I feel like if I look in the mirror after all this time and don’t see a cis woman it’s jover, not that I can be sure my brain would even acknowledge I pass if I did with my potential BDD.

    There is a really cynical part of me that thinks estrogen isn’t “magic” and all the baby trans will eventually be bitter and disappointed like me when that reality hits.
    But I’m hoping I am just mentally ill and delusional.

    • Thallo [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      1·
      7 months ago
      spoiler

      Did I permanently fuck my brain by deciding not to look at myself for years?

      This has probably had a bad effect on you, but it’s not permanent. If you did it yourself, then it can be undone. No part of your brain is just locked into that perception.

      I feel like if I look in the mirror after all this time and don’t see a cis woman it’s jover

      I’m not going to give you the usual “what actually is a cis woman?” thing. I know you’ve heard it, and it makes you feel dismissed. What I will say is that holding yourself to that standard is only going to keep hurting you. You’re right that there’s no amount of HRT that’s going to make you see a woman in the mirror. That’s an internal change.

      I know you also don’t like to be told to seek therapy, so maybe there are some therapy-adjacent things you can do to work on your self perception. If you really do have BDD, that’s going to take work to resolve. It won’t just go away either.

      To be honest, girl, I think you’ve really made strides this year, and I think you’re just going to keep growing. Hoping you get through this phase soon ❤️

  • PeeNutButtHer [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    0·
    8 months ago

    Some people seem so fucking happy to be trans and others seem miserable, I’m in the miserable camp but I want to be happy. Happy trans people, what’s your secret?? I want in, let me in