Weirdly individualistic and idealistic take from a communist. Not saying romantic love and parenthood is the only path to a fulfilling life by any means, but this is a very strange way to lay out the opposing case. Paint your house polka dots like Madonna?

If you’re not going down the married with kids route, it shouldn’t be in pursuit of social isolation and shallow self-destructive hedonism. It should be to pursue passions that truly matter to you, to get deeply connected with people in other ways, etc. Of course, there’s plenty of people who are involuntarily excluded from the parental life because of health, cost, or other material reasons, but I think that’s a different discussion than choosing not to have kids because it’s not the life you want for yourself.

I don’t know, I’ve lived like this for the last 10 years and it’s kind of hollow, everything feels meaningless, just floating through life. Like yeah I can cook whatever I want, play any videogame or music in my free time whenever, work on whatever wacky project I want, go to wild parties if I want, etc, but it’s gotten old. I want to change, but it seems like the only people that want the whole marriage and kids deal are quite religious, and I don’t gel with that either.

i’m sure a lot of people have annoyances with their partners but i thought the general idea was you did that with someone you liked?

strange question, does this imply people with babies and partners don’t have hobbies or life goals or something?

She really isn’t selling the lifestyle well. I would say the main pros are:

1. You can have a space and time for peace and quiet. With partners, this isn’t true anymore because partners have their own emotional needs that you have to fulfill. Let’s say your partner returns home super stressed from work. You can’t just go, “Honey, I know you’re super stressed from work, but right now is me time. Can you wait for a few hours while I have some peace and quiet?” It doesn’t work like that. Yes, your partner can wait this one time, but they can’t and won’t want to wait every single time. Inevitably, you’ll have to postpone or cancel me time for the sake of your partner’s emotional needs.

2. You don’t have to consider the lifestyle needs of other people. She’s gives the absolutely terrible examples of “eating ice cream for dinner,” but here’s a much better example: I care about Covid, and since I’m alone, I don’t have to have constant fights with someone who refuses to wear a goddamn mask or who wants to bring friends over who think Covid is “just like the flu.” I continue wearing N95 masks and have various filters where I live. It’s a blessing in disguise that I wasn’t successful in finding a partner pre-Covid because I would’ve long since broken up with them over Covid.

seems like she might have had super control-obsessed parents

Walking around your house naked is very underrated tbh. I get out of the shower, dry off, and just carry on with my night. It’s really liberating.

I can see both sides of the argument. Sadly, a big thing under capitalism is cost. Basically, living alone never having to invite anyone over and only worrying about myself, allows me to be relatively free even in this economy. While a relationship doesnt have to impact finances, it certainly can.

As a single duderino with no responsibilities I can live “kinda” freely with my current income.

That mostly goes out of the window if I wanted to have a family or (more) relationships. Which I kinda do tbh. Im kinda 50/50 on it.

her attitude towards partners seems like she’s assuming your partner isn’t very well aligned with you. no kidding that would suck, but that’s a skill issue - pick a better partner. having a partner that is somewhat misaligned with you is good though, they can teach you things, share new perspectives, encourage you to grow, and generally help you be better. I am definitely a better person because of my partner’s presence in my life and I think they would say the same.

kids are different. they’re a lot of work and cost a lot of time, money, resources, and emotional labour. being a responsible parent means you’re signing up to put a child first for a long time. that necessarily means making sacrifices, buying diapers, having less sleep because you’re up doing feedings, accounting for child’s needs when planning activities, etc etc. all this is an investment in the future of both yourself, your family and your society, but the hardest work is front loaded. Pregnancy/adoption/infancy are all particularly hard. It wasn’t until my child hit about 5 that they were consistently sleeping through the night, not needing diapers, not having inexplicable meltdowns, not constantly on the verge of hurting themselves because of poor balance/recklessness. Yes there were truly wonderful moments during those first years, but by and large it was a sacrifice. Some of that sacrifice can be covered with money and absence of money makes those sacrifices harder.

all that said, my child is older now and we get to do a lot more fun and satisfying activities. the nature of emotional labour has changed and there are still parenting costs of time/$$, but I love that I get to teach, learn from and share hobbies with my child.

This is how I be living my life tbh, free time is my time to sleep or read or listen to cool music by myself. I’ve even grown to prefer being alone than with company since I can get up to my bullshit in peace

i remember when i was remodeling my kitchen and i could just like, do literally whatever i wanted. i removed a stupid wall. i set it all up like a commercial micro-kitchen. wire racks, floating stainless steel shelves on a french cleat system, no fucking cabinets, small fridge (by US standards), ingredients all in clear/labeled containers, hooks and magnetic strips for tools/implements, stainless tables with lower shelves. laminated ratio sheets for common staples. i considered getting a lowboy even (lol), but my small fridge was totally fine and so cheap. i didn’t have an exact endgame in mind, but at each step the next priority would be obvious.

it was cheap (i did the work, but also materially very economical), easy to clean, and the common processes of food prep had a smoothness that made cooking food and cleaning up relaxing.

i even got a 4-top booth from a restaurant supply catalog to put into the awkward nook, turning it into a chill hang spot for guests. that’s probably the one thing that no one could argue with, because it was too slick.

and like, a recurring thought was that ZERO of my exes would have ever accepted the design principles, because it didn’t fit their HGTV-themed imaginaries where “ideal” kitchens are designed by people who sell kitchens to people who look at kitchens, instead of people who use kitchens, brought to you by Home Depot™️.

i had to, for better or worse, move for work but i had that flexible set up for a year and there were a few reorganizations/iterations as i refined it further and now i am eager to bring back those principles of functionality once i find my “yeap, gonna die here” place.

and, sure, it’s totally possible that i could meet someone who shares my appreciation for function with the exact same hip height and reach as me, but i now know the sweet agility of having absolute control over a highly functional space and using that power to make it optimal for me to function in it.

i remember showing it off to a friend of mine who is like a big deal chef and he was like, “omg, sick… [spouse] would never let me do this.”

its funny bcuz a lot of the conflict I’ve had with roommates revolves around them living the way this person describes. like yeah it’s “your” house but you’re sharing it, cmon.

a lot of the go-to advice on this kind of shit truly just reinforces hollow, atomized self-worship. like yeah there is a certain fun to doing whatever you want living alone, but plenty of shit that’s emptily hedonistic is fun in the short term but still bad for you long term. i’ve also done plenty of the “live for you, bruh” stuff typically pointed at dude-presenting people struggling with loneliness and dating, i have a lot of hobbies and interests. but the desire for a partner and/or just like social connection and cohesion and meaning through other people remains and is honestly completely normal and human.

what comrade Jack said below is on point, if you don’t prioritize romance and/or kids it shouldn’t be for cheap, libidinal solipsism. finding community through meaningful work IRL and making great new friends through that really pulled me out of a hole where i felt lonely and powerless on multiple fronts. but you know, even though my social life is pretty great in a lot of ways now, there’s still a piece missing without a good partner. there’s just only so much control one has over that and the material conditions to find it have gotten pretty decayed (same goes for all social bonds, tbh).

(only speaking to the partner part to be clear, having kids has never appealed to me and that seems highly unlikely to change this stage of the game)

i’m not on tiktok anymore, but this comrade’s takes were generally solid and typically a bright spot while doomscrolling

cope