I was wondering! Your initial account really resonated with me, like something I could have written myself. The only confirmation I needed was if we had the same triggers, which we do. You react just like me too.

For my entire life, I’ve been extremely sensitive to rejection (and criticism, which is really just a type of rejection). Comments that could be perceived as criticism, no matter how implausible or nonsensical that criticism which be, would make me feel stressed or cause a sudden jolt of panic. Real criticism would cause me to stress and fret for hours or days, until I could appease the critic or fix the issue, even if it really wasn’t an issue and they were just manipulating me. Direct rejection, like being turned down for a date, a breakup, being passed over for a job or recognition, or someone telling me they simply don’t like me, would send me into an emotional tailspin for hours, days, or weeks. If any of this came from someone I cared about or was about something I was particularly sensitive about, it was so much worse.

I can tell you what causes it for me and what I’ve done in the hope it might help you, and feel free to ask any questions about anything. Literally anything. I know how awful this can feel, how it can make you feel like life is so unstable and you’re turning into a crazy person that just can’t cope. I really want you to find your way out of this, because you deserve to feel safe and empowered.

I’ll keep this part shorter (for me, I talk a lot) and let you ask for any details you might like. You’re welcome to message me if you want to take anything out of public view.

High level: I have hella ADHD as well as Complex PTSD from childhood emotional abuse and neglect.

ADHD comes with all sorts of fun issues beyond attention and motivation.

• I have difficulty regulating my emotions, causing me to have exaggerated emotional reactions to…everything. I can be an emotional roller coaster some days, or just super happy or super sad others. Bipolar was also suspected but ruled out.
• I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, causing an extreme emotional reaction to real and perceived criticism and rejection.
• ADHD makes it hard to think through emotionally charged situations since I get so overwhelmed. I have difficulty working through my feelings, so they stick around longer than they might.

CPTSD largely manifests as a suite of unhealthy coping mechanisms and deep-seated beliefs developed as a child due to my parents’ mistreatment of me. These center around having difficulty asserting my needs , issues with self worth, and a drive to seek the validation and acceptance I didn’t receive as a child.

Both are being handled with medication, therapy, a shit ton of self-help books, and a gradually building collection of coping strategies and behavioral changes, like starting meditation, calendars and to-do lists, explaining my situation to loved ones so they understand and know how to react if I flip out, little letters and reminders I write for myself while stable to read in times of instability, etc.

I could write more, but it’s already a ton. If you want to know anything, fire away!

No apologies, it was very thorough but not rambling. Plus sometimes you just need to let it out some and that’s okay!

If you don’t mind my asking, what types of things are your triggers? Is there a theme?

Throwing too much effort into maintaining or working on any variety of relationship when the other party/parties is/are willing to neither reciprocate nor collaborate.

Don’t give 100% for anyone who wouldn’t give you the time of day if they had to split the relationship effort 50/50. We’re all worth more than that.

Unfortunately I don’t. I know it was Indonesian and the bananas were thick and tightly bunched, but that’s all.

A tie between the Gros Michel and the Cuban Red. I was staying with a friend in Hawaii when I went on my banana bender, but both look to be intermittently available for delivery online at Miami Fruit.

So get this. Have you ever had Runts candy? If you or any other readers have, then you’ve likely noted that the banana candy just doesn’t taste right. That’s because it’s based on the original mass production banana, the Gros Michel, AKA the “Big Mike”. That’s a proper banana. Cavendish is shit but it’s the only type most people have eaten. They’ve eaten shit. Banana shit.

The following may not apply to you but may for others:

Saying you hate bananas when you have only tried cavendish is like saying you hate beer when you’ve only tried warm, flat Keystone Light.

There are SO MANY bananas, but most people have only eaten the Cavendish. Awhile back, I got a box of assorted bananas from a farm that specializes in growing unusual fruit. I ate about twenty pounds of bananas in three weeks. So many fucking nanners spread across my entire kitchen countertop for weeks, ripening in stages.

My life has been a lie. Yours too. We’ve all been hoodwinked. We are getting fucked, and not in the good way, because Cavendish is a straight up garbage fruit. There are tiny tart toothsome Thai bananas, chunky Cuban, alluring Apple, beauteous burro, pleasurably plump Pisang, orally outstanding orinoco, mouthwatering Mysore, and the gustatorily magnificent Gros Michel, the OG mass production bananer, which was replaced by Cavendish in a mycological midlife crisis (I’m drunk and if I was a dinosaur, I’d be a tiny tenacious thesaurus tenuisi). Plus more. So many more. Fucking. Bananas.

They all taste like bananas, but each is a little different, some more than others, but they all had more taste that those Cavendish fuckers. So get fucked Chiquita, Dole, and Del Monte. My banana bread sucks because of y’all.

Gotta Catch 'Em All! Pedómon!

HDR?

Don’t worry, we’ll keep the little ones safe in the Ghislaine Maxwell Daycare.

They’re adding something special for all the working parents: The Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Daycare.

I get it. Life can already be inherently difficult, but the capitalist meat grinder present in most countries just serves to make people even unhappier so others can profit from an interminable struggle to reclaim the happiness that is their birthright.

Some folks have cut out the work portion of the “work makes me sad, consumption makes me happy” cycle and just consume for fleeting happiness. Others might struggle with mental and/or physical illness. Regardless, society is more often than not failing them.

I can see that you care a lot for your friends’ well-being and happiness, and are concerned their lifestyle might be harmful for them long term. Instead of going straight into talking with them, you’re getting more information so you can do it right. That’s very considerate of you and I’m really happy they have such a good friend. Seriously, your friends are lucky to have you.

Bringing up concerns with anyone, especially those close to you, can easily lead to hurt or conflict if the other person misunderstands your motivations and feels misunderstood, criticized, or judged. I want you to succeed if you decide to talk with them because I can see you only want to ensure they can have healthy, fulfilling lives and I’m sure you want them to see the same.

Have you considered looking into any literature on brushing up on communication skills for difficult conversations? If you’re open to it, I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. It teaches how to identify and express core motivations and the feelings behind them, learn the same when others speak (even if they aren’t initially aware themselves), and work together to address everyone’s needs.

Disclaimer: I just used the bog standard Nonviolent Communication method in this comment. Old me would have said something like “you’re judging your friends and are gonna piss them off” while having the same core feelings and motivations I felt when I wrote the main comment. NVC helps me figure out my needs and feelings as well as yours, then talk about them without sounding like a judgmental, overly critical douchebag.

Have you tried meditation?

It’s actually good advice, meditation helps me a ton, but…I already do it. It’s like the #1 choice for people offering unsolicited advice that haven’t bothered to learn anything about me first.

I can’t agree more. I enjoyed his earliest works some, but he quickly hits his “stride” and falls into his characteristic writing pattern, making every book more or less the same novel with interchangeable variations on the same plot points.

You bet! I try to use my nerd skills for good.

When I read your comments about your personal experience, I often wonder “are you me?!” I’ve even tracked conversation topics and made maps of their interconnectivity after having been accused of incoherent rambling.

Lesson learned: if you’re ND AF, consider having similarly ND friends and romantic partners. NTs are often baffled by us, whereas my ND homies are more likely to love to hear me wax poetic in great detail about the processes of insect metamorphosis or the microbiological and etymological origins of petrichor.

Hemiptera are my favorite!

This study used a proportional hazards model. Confounders like lifestyle behaviors and comorbidities were controlled for. Unfortunately, the only factor relating to ability is a nebulous, self-reported, qualitative “health status”, with possible answers of excellent, very good, good, fair, and poor. The researchers excluded the fair and poor groups, but the imprecise nature of that factor is an issue.

Here’s the paper if you’re curious:

https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/early/2025/10/13/bjsports-2025-110311

A big beautiful bankruptcy.

I have awful acid reflux and have an adjustable bed frame. Having the top half slightly raised is a life saver since I can raise it for worse reflux and lower it for better sleep. I just use a remote, though. Doing it on an app through the internet is just stupid.