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Itt: everyone doing everything except using the right pronouns
Hey their lady mcfemale girl gal
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It’s unfortunate so many terms of endearment are gendered. Habibi/habibti, ése, khouia, fra
The aussies really had it right when they decided to call everyone cunt
I was thinking about this recently and I feel like maybe people use gendered terms of endearment is because they’re gender affirming. The gendered aspect is not a side effect. Affirming someone’s gender is a nice thing to do and feels nice to have it done to you and our language reflects this.
The obvious corollary is that it is the addressee that gets to decide what terms of endearment are gender affirming for them, not the person addressing them. There are too many people that insist they’re being gender neutral when they say “dude” because their associations with the word are not gendered, but what they should be doing is bothering to ask what the person they’re talking to would find affirming and using that.
The term you use is for the person you’re addressing not for you, and you should want them to feel good about it. If someone tells you they don’t like being called dude because they find it gendered, you should fucking stop calling them dude.
If someone tells you they don’t like being called dude because they find it gendered, you should fucking stop calling them dude.
Forget gender, if someone doesn’t like being called something, don’t call them that. It’s one of those cases where respecting trans people is the same action as basic human decency.
I hate to break it to you about whether “cunt” is gendered or not…
don’t be a terf, everyone can be a cunt, and everyone can have a cunt, even men.
make sure you celebrate all the cunts in your life
Genuine question, is this the same law that allows one to call anyone a dick?
no idea, but feel free to call anyone a dick, even me. go ahead
I try not be a terf. “Cunt” has been a gendered slur regardless of the meaning. You can call anyone a cunt, but it has been used in history to demean women in particular, and not all women have cunts.
my answer was more of a shitpost. “cunt” is more of a gendered slur in the US, in the UK and especially in Australia everyone can be a Cunt. although it’ll likely started as a gendered slur
As an Australian, the cunt thing is an internet meme, it’s absolutely gendered and normal people do not use it.
question, if someone were to hit your car with a their door in the parking lot, and you said “what a cunt” would people judge you as a misogynist or like someone who just got a dent in their car?
I think that is the crux of the issue,
That would depend at least in part on whether it was intentional. I would not judge anyone that way over an accidental door hit. If you called a woman a cunt then I would assume you are at least somewhat misogynist. Men sometimes refer to their friends as cunt, but only male friends, this is exclusively an insult for women and we are never spoken to this way in a friendly or joking manner
Ignoring for a moment that men can have vaginas and whatnot, the origin of the word is from the sex bits, but the word itself isn’t gendered. Same way you can say “she’s a dick”.
On second thought, it gets a little murky because that word is in some places used specifically to demean women, but that’s not Australia’s fault. It would be great if we all just agreed to end misogyny to fix that issue.
Nobody uses dudette anymore, is dude now ungendered?
I grew up in and adjacent to surf world. Nobody used dudette back then. It was always just dude.
So it was never gendered?
not here, no
I think the tides may be turning, then. As evidenced by this meme.
dudette was a bit niche, no one really used it.
Exactly! Women can be a chill ass dude fr.
stay safe dude.
Thanks, dude. 🤙
Imo, dude has always been ungendered. I call everyone dude, though I do try to use other terms when talking with my mtf homies until they know that.
Same and same, dude. But my perception isn’t all that exists, and some women don’t like being called dude. Just applying the logic of the dichotomies on display already.
What about bro-cunt… would this be a negating neutral term if endearment?
Bruhnt.
Yeah but don’t they have mate/sheila as gendered terms?
They also put sprinkles on buttered white bread and call it a pastry. Nobody’s perfect.
okay but I’m poor enough that actually sounds pretty good and achievable
I think it’s called Fairy Toast?
It’s called fairy bread and it’s delicious.
Heyy, I can agree with nobody’s perfect. I mean, I just saw a Lemmy user implying an English-speaking nation doesn’t have gendered terms!
(And I was a little too snarky about it. I apologize.)
oi mate
I don’t have many trans people in my life and I always stumbled over my words when I found myself in a position where I had to address them in the third person.
My most awkward memory is a conversation with my friend where I addressed her as “my wee lass”.
Anyway, we’re married now and expecting our third Calico.
Three? That’s a lot of personality in one place.
This is why I just use “friend” to refer to everyone.
All genders inclusive, respectful, friendly. Don’t have to try and figure anything out.
“Hey, friend”,
“Pardon, friend”,
“Thanks, friend”,
Simple
Mellon!
Is “Pal” also gender inclusive? I got this weird feeling that a pal is more of a little boy than a girl?
Degendering is also a form of misgendering
Under the condition that the person has told you their gender (or the pronouns they want you to use for them): yes, then i am agreeing with you
But if you don’t know a person: The gender is not always lining up with their apperance or the appearance can be (sometimes purposely) ambiguous
Absolutely agree. Unfortunately, too many people bend that second part into willful ignorance, refusing to ask, “forgetting”, or it just becoming the default for anybody not known to be cis, even if their gender is wildly obvious.
I used to have a friend that worked in HR who would always call me them and they, even though I’d told him numerous times my pronouns are she/her, and he would always defensively come back that since he worked in HR it’s just how he operates, and then refused to ever refer to me as she or her.
It’s dehumanizing and transphobic and we see right through the bullshit. It’s super obvious and you aren’t being clever.
People: if you don’t know, just ask. If you refuse or neglect to ask and keep doing this after more than just the first meeting somebody, you’re very likely a piece of shit. Don’t lean on this. Too many people here are defensively leaning on this.
this is giving: “if you’re not also a mind-reader, you’re transphobic”…
I ain’t your bro son.
A few of these remind me of their usage in customer support, and boy I hate them already before getting into the actual transmeme.
That’s why you gotta hit em with the “homie”, “home slice”, “big dawg”, “amigo”, “boss”, or “friendo”.
Do I gotta kiss em on the lips? I’m not prepared for this level of homeslicing. I’m in too deep please advise.
Yes, but tongue is optional, as is tradition.
i know homies kiss homies, but homies nibbling on homies necks has me worried about vampires and i’m like almost out of toum. i got like, maybe half a gallon left? that’s not enough.
They might actually enjoy those. I found best effect by using something else that they might consider diminutive. Kiddo, sport, Buck, “little man”. If they get too upset, you can always pass it off as, “oh, sorry. That’s what I call my sibling/kid/nephew” etc. Which is the same bullshit reasoning they tend to give us “oh sorry, it’s just how you look though.”
Removed by mod
The 80’s and 90’s were my formative years, so “my dudes” has taken on a gender-agnostic meaning in my view (anecdotal evidence alert), so much so that I address whoever I’ve got in my team for a given day:
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A team full of guys? “Good morning my dudes”;
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A team of mostly guys and some women? “Good morning my dudes”;
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A team of mostly girls and one or two guys? “Good morning my dudes”;
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A team full of girls? “Good morning my dudes” (maybe “dudettes” but then I feel I’m making an exception based on gender which seems demeaning, so dudes is safer);
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A team of a guy, a girl, a rabbit in a hat, and a dog? “Good morning my dudes”;
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A team full of Avril Lavignes? “hey hey you you I don’t like your girlfriend”;
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A team full of people I don’t know because it’s dark? “Good morning my dudes”.
I am a simple person.
it’s interesting that you are using “guy” as “man”, because the next person is gonna say, that “you guys” is also gender neutral
I never even considered that. Learning one’s blind spots is always a benefit 😊
I’m not even sure if “blindspot” could be construed as an ableist term.
Every human has a blind spot where their retina connects to their optic nerve
I was so happy those years I lived in the us south. I earned my Y’all Card (I am now fully licensed to say Y’all) and it is pretty great
damn
i don’t live in the us, i just use y’all because its a useful language feature that honestly should be the default ;w;
You forgot: Wednesday? “My dudes”
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So you’re saying I should just stop feeling dysphoria? Great advice, thanks
I think it is more acknowledging the shift in some English words from their strictly gendered origins.
How this affects you and your own feelings is entirely personal, but I do think the important message is that if someone uses one of these words they likely are not attaching gender to it. While this may not alleviate your dysphoria, I think it’s nice to know people aren’t misgendering you but instead are using previously gendered words in a gender neutral way.
You misunderstood me, I think. My reply was about their phrasing. “Should’ve taught” makes it sound like the onus is on me to idk watch Good Burger (which I have seen, and I understand the reference, by the way) and feel some great relief.
If people know that those words cause you dysphoria and continue to use them, they for sure are misgendering you though
I’d say if its an individual in your life that you have told to not refer to you that way then yes.
If it is a stranger, particularly a younger stranger, then assuming misgendering is probably going to not be linguistically accurate and cause you uneccessary mental distress.
I think the increased neutrality of previously gendered words is overall a good thing.
I did explicitly state “if people know” - obviously it doesn’t apply to strangers
Gotcha, I misinterpreted your meaning there. I thought the indication was people should be educated to know and found that impractical.
We’re on the same page
Also you should get a pony
Ed is wrong about some stuff
“Dude” has become as gender neutral in my spaces as “queen” has.
Same. I mean, dude is regionally gender neutral where I live so it’s less about my spaces
Someone said “yes, king” to me once and I didn’t like it, mostly because I’m uncomfortable thinking of myself as royalty :/
But yas Queen I’m immune to bc of Rupaul.
No kings for you then, comrade?
The Dude would not abide people who intentionally try to make someone else’s day shit. Live and let’s bowl, I say.
To be serious though, you are valid and deserve courtesy, understanding, and respect. I hate that people do that. Especially those around us.
That Blahaj really tied the transgirl together
“Lady”, but I say it like Moe Sizlack talking to the Listen Lady.
i use my language’s equivalent of bro and dude for woman too sometimes.
What does this mean? The character looks very androgynous and could be either male or female, trans or cis. Is this referring to how gender-neutral-looking people get assumed to be male?
They look fairly fem to me; at the very least not masculine enough to be consistently gendered male in good faith.
I can see the fem but I would probably be unsure if I saw them irl without being able to tell from body shape/voice
I’d be shocked if I saw someone with purplish skin and giant horns irl
That’s just Tuesday wym
I thought the picture was a woman, not even a little bit androgynous. Interesting how interpretations vary.
That’s a custom character in Baldur’s Gate 3. Gender isn’t determined by appearance in the game, but this is definitely a base model used for female characters. If we could zoom out a bit, you’d see some extremely improbable breasts sticking out.
Zoom out a little more and there are lots of options for what could be downstairs. But as far as I know the NPCs that use this base model are exclusively female. So as far as the meme is concerned, I believe it’s supposed to look outwardly like a woman.
I love you, sister. Sorry.
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